Starting over is difficult, and it has an impact on many aspects of our lives, including our relationships, finances, and mental health. It is even more difficult for those in their 40s and 50s. But there are steps you can take to start over even when you feel old.
Why change is difficult
Probably the most common reason why change is difficult is that we have grown accustomed to our current situation. In fact, we may be comfortable in it. So why change, right?
But as often said, the only thing constant in life is change. So it happens, whether we like it or not. And what we need to do is to cope, overcome, and live with the new life that change has created.
The changes we experience in our life are varied. Some of these things are known to us before they happen. An example of this is our children growing up and leaving.
Other changes however are sudden, like death, sickness, or loss of a job.
Meanwhile, there are things that we know we should change but somehow are unable to. Because we are afraid it will disrupt our life as we know it. That the change means venturing into the unknown or that we have to start over.
Resistance to change
Change is bound to happen at some point in our life. And it is difficult for us to accept change. This is because humans are hardwired to resist change.
Change is interpreted by the brain as a danger signal, and so it releases stress hormones. These hormones are responsible for fear, fight, or flight response.
But in order to survive or live a better life, we have to adapt, conquer, and live with the changes. Even if it means starting over.
If we want to improve ourselves, our lifestyle, or our current situation we have to implement changes. Make a plan and execute them. Simple. But not easy.
Is it too late to start over?
One reason why change is difficult is thinking that there is an age limit to starting over. There is none. You can always begin a new career, a new habit, or a new life.
But even if we know this, and know we need to do something to change our situation or the current life we live. We still spend time agonizing over the things that we will lose, give up, or abandon in exchange for an unknown benefit.
Yet, at some point, our desire to change will become stronger than our fear of change. Eventually, we will have to realize that the benefits of changing NOW, no matter what age will far outweigh the old life we have to give up.
How to start over at 40 or 50
As quoted by the wise, age is just a number. And so it should not stop us from getting what we want. Although sometimes, this is easier said than done.
Because in our 40’s or 50’s, we may already have established a life for ourselves. A flourishing career, a big salary, and good relationships.
Despite these things, we may realize that something is missing. Fulfillment, probably? Satisfaction, perhaps? We question if what we do still gives us meaning. Or if we are still the same person that we were 20 or so years ago.
And so the difficulty stems from the fact that it does not appear logical to abandon the life we have already established in order to find answers to the preceding questions.
On the other hand, we may find ourselves in a relationship that is falling apart. Fired from our job or receive a pay cut. With no savings.
No matter the situation, starting over is difficult because of the perception that being in your 40’s or 50’s is already too late.
However, we should keep in mind that there is always time for starting over. That even though we are already in our mid-life, or at any age where we feel it’s too old to start again, age is never a factor for wanting to start anew.
So here are some steps we can take to make starting over a lot less challenging.
Know yourself
Opinions change, feelings change, and people, without a doubt, change. If you are in your 40s, you are not the same person you were in your 20s. You’ve grown and improved, and your priorities and beliefs may have changed as well.
So get to know yourself or rediscover yourself at this stage in your life. Love and accept yourself.
Develop or improve yourself in a way that you are self-sufficient. Where you are unfazed by other people’s opinions and are not dependent on others for your happiness.
Once you get to know who you are, starting over a new life will become a lot easier.
And, as Bob Proctor emphasizes in many of his videos, in order to be free, you must first know who YOU are:
“If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me. Not the me you think I should be, not the me I think my wife thinks I should be, not the me I think my kids think I should be. If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me so I better know who me is.” – Bill Gove
Find your passion
Along with discovering who you are, you may also discover things about which you are passionate. In your 40s, you have the chance or probably the ability to focus on that one thing you’ve always wanted to do for yourself.
Rediscover the things or activities you have always wanted to do but were not able to because you were always too busy in your job, you had no money, or you were afraid.
At this stage, you are ready to do the things you are passionate about because you already know yourself. You are ready to do the things you are passionate about at this point because you already know who you are. You’ve also grown emotionally and intellectually to the point where you don’t care what others think. And you are willing to accept the consequences of following your passion.
Learn something new
Disclosure: This section contains an affiliate link. If you use the affiliate link, I may earn a commission.
In addition to finding your passion, it would also prove beneficial to learn something new. To complement your starting over.
For example, if writing is your passion, you may also want to learn about marketing or web design. So you can promote your writing effectively or design a pretty inviting website for your blog posts.
Even if it isn’t to supplement your passion, any new knowledge will help you develop or improve yourself. They might come in handy one day. You may also require them to help others.
Other benefits of learning new things include the following:
- Brain function improvement- learning something new exercises the brain. And, like a muscle, a brain that is exercised performs better. Learning something new improves our concentration, attention to detail, memory recall, and problem solving abilities.
- Meet new people- when you learn something new, you also get to know new people. People who may accompany and support you in your journey to a new beginning.
- Community connection- apart from meeting new people, you may also get involved in a totally new community when you learn something new. Getting together with other locals for a common goal will provide you with a sense of community and belonging, making the process of starting over more bearable.
At this point, I’d like to recommend an online learning resource where you can learn something new, exciting, and fun. Skillshare brings accessible learning to two million students in thousands of classes across the globe.
It’s an online community where anyone can discover, take, or even teach a class. So if you are raring to learn and improve, click on the link for a one-month free trial of Skillshare Premium.
Help others
Helping or doing something for others will help you heal and improve yourself. You may also learn from the people that you help.
Evidence suggests that helping others can improve our own mental health and well-being. It can, for example, reduce stress while also improving mood, self-esteem, and happiness.
Starting over while volunteering to help others is an excellent way to keep the challenge of a new beginning manageable.
Know that it takes time
All these steps or stages that you have to go through in your starting over journey will take time. The things you need to do to accept and adapt to the changes will not happen overnight. So if you don’t see immediate results, don’t panic, worry, or feel disappointed.
It takes time to get used to new things, new habits, or even a new environment. If things don’t look good right away after going through steps 1–4, know that you are not a loser or a failure.
In summary
Admittedly, starting over is not an easy thing to do especially when you are already in your 40s or 50s. Even at any age, when you feel old and think that it’s too late to start again.
This may be due to the fact that we are so used to our lives we don’t think we need to change. Or it’s the fact that humans are hardwired to resist change. It’s a built-in system.
This is why we perceive midlife to be a stage where life should be stable.
But since life is in constant motion, there is no way we can stop change from happening. And so we realize that for us to develop, improve our situation, or find meaning in life, we need to change.
And, as you come to this realization, remember that, despite the challenges and difficulties, there are steps you can take to make your journey to a new beginning a little easier.
If you liked this article, you might be interested in these articles about change and starting over:
29 Quotes To Make Change A Little Easier
43 Quotes To Inspire You To Start Over Today
Top 10 Reasons Why Change Is Difficult
Outside reference:
Who are you pretending to be?
How to Start Over at 50 With No Money (and a thread of hope)
Nice post 🙂