I gave in to my laziness sometime this week and took a peek at Netflix. To my surprise, there were new episodes of Lucifer, one of the series that I am following. So, long story short, the binge-watch started.
In episode 15 of season 5, Lucifer says “I don’t think pain should exist.” And the reply he got was, “that is life Lucifer, pain is inevitable.”
Yes, I know “inevitable” is already overused, what with Marvel’s Endgame. But, anyhow, the dialogue still got me thinking.
In life, the pain really is inevitable.
Pain=Life
This also reminds me of a line from a local movie I watched a few years back. The line goes:
“Kailangan niyang masaktan para malaman niyang buhay siya.”
Translation: She needs to feel the pain to know she’s alive.
With all these heart-wrenching quotes about pain, we can conclude that, while it is not a pleasant feeling, pain is something we can overcome and eventually learn from.
The pain that we have experienced and will experience in the future is always a learning experience.
Transition
Emotional pain is distinctly different from physical pain. But those who have experienced extreme emotional pain can attest that it is comparable to physical pain.
However, whether we want it or not, or no matter how long it will take us. We will transition from the pain, learn to live again, and move forward.
The pain cannot be avoided but we need to feel the pain for us to know that we are still alive.
To paraphrase the next line from the TV show, the therapist adds that, while pain is unavoidable, “suffering is optional.”
How to deal
So at some point, we have to deal with our pain. It is definitely, not an easy thing to do but as they say, it takes one small step.
Feel the pain
I share below what a mother has to say about losing an only child:
“I grieved her just as hard as I loved her, I had to. It wouldn’t have meant anything if I hadn’t.”- Theresa Smith (see below Bereavement Exclusion link)
From here, we can conclude that the pain is unavoidable. And in Mark Manson’s book, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck, he says that “pain is part of the process. It’s important to feel it.”
Therefore, there is no way around it. You can’t keep numbing the pain as it will hurt you even more and prolong your suffering.
Manson continues, if you keep covering up the pain, “you’ll never generate the requisite motivation to actually change.”
Acceptance
Once you have felt the pain, the next thing to do is accept its presence. Accept that you are hurting and that your feelings are valid.
Wishing the pain away will not help and will not change anything. Neither will negative self-talk and guilty feelings.
It’s with the acceptance that you acknowledge your pain and start to heal.
Find inspiration
After you’ve rejected numbing or wallowing in pain, look for inspiration to help you feel better and heal completely.
What inspiration you may ask, and my answer is, I don’t know. That inspiration will depend on you. The thing is, just “do” something, if I may again borrow from Manson’s book.
Do anything that comes to mind and you just might stumble onto something that will inspire you to keep moving.
For starters, you may consider the examples listed below to help you overcome your emotional pain.
Reach out or connect with other people
For emotional support. Connect with family or friends, they may not share your deep feeling of pain, but they can certainly listen. Know that there is always someone willing to hear you out without judgment.
But you have to reach out. Your healing will start from within you.
Journaling
Sometimes it may be hard to voice out how or what you are feeling. So you may want to consider journaling all your thoughts and feelings.
Let them all out through pen and paper. This process will help to unburden your pain and all other emotions that accompany the feeling. The writing may serve as a cathartic experience for you and will allow you to feel more positive.
One thing you know for sure, that journal will neither judge nor make unsolicited advice to you. So, go ahead and write.
The power of positive words
One can never discount the power of positive words. They are uplifting, empowering and can help you feel good about yourself just by reading them.
So if you choose to go by powerful words you can always start by reading the bible. Incidentally, the bible does not give out commandments when it comes to emotions. In fact, the Bible offers a wide variety of emotions that it can get confusing.
But that’s what makes it so powerful. The bible has words for each individual, for each of their needs at the time of their need.
The bible depicts various emotions for various events in a person’s life, such as pain, sorrow, happiness, and joy.
Furthermore, the bible shows that humans are not perfect and may not always get their emotions right. As such it is a great start for your own healing journey.
Or you can also check out inspirational materials available online.
Have faith
The transformation of a person’s life comes from believing or seeing what is real but not immediately apparent.
It’s not about religion. It’s about having faith. The belief that things will get better.
With this belief, you will have the resolve to do something. To start with healing yourself and overcome pain.
Help others
In recent years, there were studies conducted on the effect of helping people deal with their struggles. The studies reveal that people who help others with their struggles can also help themselves heal their pain.
This is through the power of looking at things from another angle. Or simply put, Empathy. By assisting other people to heal from their pain, a person also gets to practice managing their own pain.
But studies aside, we all know that there is good that comes out from helping others. Because we also feel good about ourselves. It is a big boost of positive feelings.
When you help others, there is also that connection. That sense of belonging or being a part of something. Making you feel that you are not alone.
Haruki Murakami
Going back to my introduction, Google says that it was the poet Haruki Murakami who said that pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. So much for my TV series.
Anyway, his point is that, when you see your pain from your own perspective, of course, it will hurt. But in the end, you are the one who decides whether you will suffer or not. So choose not to suffer.
Conclusion
To conclude, we all go through pain at some point in our life. And though it hurts, all we can do is to feel and accept it as it is. Then move forward.
How do you feel about pain? Please share them in the comments below.
Outside Links:
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
Bereavement Exclusion
Emotions and Faith
How comforting others help you with your own struggles